Reformed Grits

Me and Bee
September 28, 2006, 8:26 am
Filed under: Family

I don’t know how many of you out there in the blog-o-sphere have breastfed your babies, but can I tell you a secret?

It isn’t something I have loved to do.  For most of my children it is something I have done by compulsion.  Or maybe guilt.  Or both.  I knew it was good for them, and I was too cheap to buy what I could get for free.   Breastfeeding comes with strings, you know.  You are always tied to your nursling.  You can’t go anywhere alone for more than a couple-few hours.  You can’t let daddy do a night time feeding.  It’s you and you alone. 

Some people love to be needed that way and it makes them feel fulfilled.  I get claustrophobic.  Cabin fever is what I refer to it as.  The walls closing in.  For a whole year, which is how long I nurse mine. 

This time is no exception but there is a difference.  I sit here and am at a loss for how to describe it.  I still don’t love it, in and of itself, but it thrills me.  I know, weird.  When you have a season when your arms ache and feel empty, you can love the inconvenient and "unfun" things with renewed fervor.  When you mourn a loss and your hands grasp at the emptiness you can overlook the "burden" and cling to the gloriousness that is a warm, rosy baby smiling at you while feasting and milk running out the corners of their mouth.   Tiny dimpled hands grasping your shirt while deeply absorbed in feeding tug at my very being.  Those cords which I once thought bound me now are now being played as my heartstrings,  singing the song of the joy in my soul.


3 Comments so far
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I haven’t dealt with the loss that you have, but I appreciated the experience more with Andrew, just because I knew that I would never do it again. I still only did it for 6 months, though, for the very same reasons that you mentioned.
I was never the La Leche Leaguer type because I always felt like I was La-losin’ it, being tied down like that.

Comment by Gayle

Well said my friend. I know exactly what you mean, but could never had said it so beautifully! Enjoy every minute of your baby bee’s growing up! Boy…is she ever going to be SPOILED ROTTEN by EVERYONE!

Comment by Andrea

Haha, Gayle… Know whatcha mean!

Andrea, no kidding she is going to be spoiled for sure!

Comment by Reformed Grits

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