Reformed Grits


And yet he’s still here
February 23, 2008, 8:20 pm
Filed under: I plead ignorance

In talking with some friends the other night I remembered the day many years ago I thought my marriage might end.  It was all because of Cassie, the transgender bunny.   Mr. Grits and I were still newlyweds and one lazy Saturday, he had been outside playing a rousing game of basketball with the other old married farts young men at the married student apartments where we lived.  He came in and laid lay down (you are welcome, mom) on the floor in the living room and started to take a little snooze when I, in my 18 year old maturity, thought I’d play a little joke on him.   I grabbed our baby girl boy bunny by the scruff of the neck and held her him it over his face. 
"Mr. Griiiitttssss!!!"  I chimed.  He opened his eyes, and what happened next I can only describe as happening in slow motion.  I saw his face instantly go from being startled, to shocked, to pure horror. 
Again, in excruciatingly slow motion…. "NOOoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" 
I began to laugh the laugh of a silly girl who pulled a funny until I saw why he was so disturbed.  Cassie evidently had a "sensitive stomach" so when the little precious was startled, its little bunny colon unlocked– unleashing a unhealthy, ahem, dump of its loose intestinal contents.   That is to say… Cassie had diarrhea all over Mr. Grits face… and within the orifice that was screaming in horror.   
It was on his face.  Up his nose.  In his mouth.  In his eyes.  In his hair.  All over his clothes.  All over the carpet. 
He jumped up in a fury.  (Slow-mo over at this point.  Think rage.)   
"SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT!!!"  But he didn’t say "shoot." 
He fled for the shower, and I fled for cover.  I was sure he was going to hate me.  I don’t know why.  I ran to a neighbor’s house until he came to find me. I was sure he’d never forgive me for something so stupid that had had such horrific consequences, so I thought.  With time and perspective— and a shower– I realized that it wasn’t something so unforgiveable.   He didn’t laugh about it as quickly as everyone else did, and he never did quite take to Cassie again.
But he’s still around letting me torture him with my stupid pranks and jokes. 

And I even share this story with his permission.   

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10 Comments so far
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Too funny! Remind me to tell you what I did to Chuck one day about 2 months after we married. I too thought it was over! It did not involve animal poop–that may have done it for him.

Comment by kent

Bahahahaha!! Oh my word, that is so gross!

All I can think is UNCLEAN!!!

Comment by Meg

Oh my GOODNESS!! I am peeing my pants here!!!!
I was telling Mark about Kent’s story on the way home from church (which was HILARIOUS!!), then I came home to get this scoop. Y’all are killin’ me!
Mr. Grits, you are a SAINT!

Comment by Gayle

I will never look at Mr. Grits the same again.

Gag.

Comment by caroline

hahahahaha! I have almost had my life ended (quite unintenionally) by pranks I’ve pulled on my dear hubby. I never think it through it his reaction…

Comment by Sarah

OH MY…that is SOOOO YUCKY!!

I can’t imagine seeing Mr. “laid back” grits getting mad though.

Comment by Andrea

Wow, he must be on the list for sainthood with that one! Seems pretty unforgivable if you ask me. What a guy!

Comment by MaryLu

That was hysterical!!! I have never had enough creativity to pull pranks, perhaps with these hints I could start really testing our marriage.

Comment by Michelle Goodner

Bet he hasn’t eaten a chocolate bunny for Easter since then, huh? heehee

Comment by Kelly

Bet he hasn’t eaten a chocolate bunny for Easter since then, huh? heehee

Comment by Kelly




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