Reformed Grits

The story of John Knox
July 22, 2008, 8:17 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Monday July 28th is the 3rd anniversary of the day our littlest boy, John Knox was born.  Many of you don’t know his story so I’m re-vamping what I wrote years ago to share at our Women’s retreat.  If you’ve heard all this before then just skip it; I often feel the need to pull it out and remember it. 

Everyone suffers,
because we live in a fallen world. 
Sometimes we suffer because of the actions of others.   Other times we suffer because of circumstances in our lives.  But often we suffer at our own hands because of our fallen selves, and
our foolishness.  This is the story of my
own foolishness, my ungrateful heart and how God used it to teach me about Him and His steadfastness in times of trouble.

It started in the spring of 2005
when I discovered much to my dismay, that I was pregnant… again.  This was NOT my plan.  I was bitter, ungrateful, and angry.  Nevertheless, God in his goodness gave me a
verse that sits on my desk even today:

 “but as for me, the
nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell
of all thy works.” PS. 73:28. 

So this is what I am
here doing today– telling of all His works– because the work being done in me is by him, not me.

I tried to be
thankful about having another baby but “self” overshadowed.  I have a private blog that I kept years ago, and below I’ll share some things I wrote (in bold print.)  This entry, of which I’ve changed the names to protect the not-so-innocent, was shortly after I found out
I was expecting our 6th baby:

April 27

Have you ever read the story of the Ebenezer stone in the Old
Testament? It is one of those where God had the children of Isreal,
specifically Samuel, set up a monument that would testify to the generations of
God’s provision. It was a stone monument and He named it “Ebenezer”
which meant, “Thus far the Lord has brought us.”   We have a
“thing” with that story in the “Grits” family because years ago at
Thanksgiving, my beloved’s parents told the story and pulled out a rock that they
keep in their living room with the word “Ebenezer” on it.  It is
almost a running family joke now, and occasionally it turns up missing at
family gatherings and Mr. and Mrs. G have a fit.   “WHO took Ebenezer?”  
We all laugh and roll our eyes… but I have to admit I like seeing it there.  
Because I DO remember when I see it.
I think in a lot of ways, each of my children is an Ebenezer stone.   When I look
at Jojo I remember how God brought us through college, back home, and how we
longed to have a family.  Then I had a wonderful pregnancy, until he and I
almost died due to my toxemia.  I look at
him now and remember “thus far the Lord has brought us.”
With Sister, I
think of those hard years of having TWO babies.  We spent her pregnancy trying
to sell our townhouse and find a home big enough for us, part of the time
“homeless” and living in my grandparents’ house.  I begged God to give
us our own home before our baby was born, and graciously He allowed us to
close… while I was in labor.  “Thus far the Lord has brought us.”
JD’s pregnancy was just… well let’s just say it is amazing we have had
more children. I had severe depression for the second half, and then when he
was 5 1/2 weeks old I was hospitalized with meningitis.  I spent the next 3 or
so months wishing I were dead or that I could run away.  It was the darkest time
of my life.  But I look at my precious blue-eyed, grinning, freckled-faced
child, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that “thus far the Lord has
brought us.”
Pooh pushed our family to capacity level.  We were bursting at the seams… 3
boys in one tiny bedroom. Chaos was the rule.  Laundry was not “+1”
but more like “x2”!  My oldest was starting kindergarten and I had a
newborn plus 2 others at home.  Plus I had started my job for the school yet once again, “Thus far the Lord has brought us.”
Sugie, who was a deeply wanted baby girl blessing for our family, was a nice fit
since the only space in the house was in Sister’s
room.  But we were still bursting at the seams.  Just a week or so after I
discovered we were expecting, a dear Christian sister told me that she and her
husband were going to finish our basement for us.  I absolutely burst into
tears, and before Sugie came the Lord added a playroom to our home which gave us
MUCH needed space for my children to play and for their toys. It was such
an incredible blessing, and I look at Sugie and think “Thus far the Lord
has brought us.”
So what is my problem? Why am I not finding joy with our new news?  Maybe I need
to swipe the rock from my in-laws and put it on my desk to remind me.  Are the 5
children I have not enough?  I sometimes think life is over the top as it is and
I know I can’t handle it.  I can see that I am weak and sinful and helpless…
but maybe that is the point.   Maybe He just is reminding me that He HAS brought
us and will continue to do so.
Maybe if this is a boy we could call him Ebenezer.
Mmmm, maybe not.

To be continued tomorrow…


5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Thanks for opening your private thoughts to us, Kim.
We all battle the ugly monster called “self”. And it’s a wretched beast to conquer.

Comment by Gayle W

Praying for you (and Mr. Grits) this week.

Comment by caroline

I loved your testimony at the retreat, but it has been so long…I am looking forward to hearing this story again…and the new insights too!

Thank you for sharing!

Comment by Andrea

I too remember this from the women’s retreat. You will never know how much it moved me and what I was dealing with (a much wanted 2nd baby.) Thanks for sharing NOW-at such a pivotal point in our lives as we get ready to welcome Alivia. This reminds me to be so thankful and “thus far the Lord has brought us” too!

Comment by wendy

This was so touching and meaningful at the retreat. It was only a few months after we lost our 3rd baby….it meant so much for you to share this. This will be such a blessing this week. Thank you for sharing!

Comment by penny

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