Reformed Grits

And I shall never sleep again…
August 2, 2008, 6:17 pm
Filed under: What's she up to now?

I am still officially away for now, but I just HAD to record this blog-worthy moment in my life.  Things this horrific don’t come every day, praise be to God, but when they do– well, they are worthy of being recorded. 

It’s been a wild ride lately, and to make a long-story short yesterday morning we had a call before 6 AM that my granddaddy was taken by ambulance to the hospital due to the fact he was suffocating from pneumonia.  Not a great way to be awakened– much less when you are getting in the lazy habit of sleeping until 8:30 or so.  The rest of the day was spent going to the hospital, coming home and readying the kids for “first of the month” shopping (yes, all 6 of them)– including all the back to school tax-free shopping that needed to be done.  We did our shoe store stops, Sam’s for monthly purchases, bank, school to pick up my new computer (which wasn’t ready so I had to go by a second time later that day… new computer is a whole ‘nuther post but I’m acclimating) , another shoe store, the sporting goods store (so Jojo could shell out hard earned cash to replace a soccer ball he lost.  This makes, oh, number 5,487 I believe), Walmart for the school supplies etc., Sonic to treat the kids to happy hour (and mama to a java chiller),  a gift shop to pick up some birthday presents, to see Daddy at work, and then home to put the groceries away.  I dropped them off at home, had them unload the groceries and put them away, put the baby to bed, and went back to the school for the computer, then to the grocery store; came home and had them unload those.  Picked up Jojo, took him to his timed run (he passed with flying colors) and to a friend’s party, then to CVS to do my shopping, which ran me past the local KFC to pick up a bucket o’ chicken to feed the remaining kids at home… at 7:30 PM.  I spent the rest of the evening on the phone with family members updating them on granddaddy’s condition.  My beloved spent the whole evening at the seminary library working on research papers and then brought Jojo home from the party about 9:30.  It was then that I finally booted up the new computer to check email.  For the first time yesterday. 

And it was funny that I got an email asking if I was rested and ready to come back to bloggyville yet. 

Um, the answer is… no. 

But I tell you all this to set up my story.  Yes, that was not the story; it was just the set up.  Now sit down with a nice stiff drink to relax you and I’ll finish. 

So you get the idea that when I fell into bed that I whimpered I was so tired.  I hurt ALL over.  I was drained physically and emotionally and psychologically.   And I slept.  This says something because I NEVAH sleep (well, hardly ever) without benedryl or nyquil or something like that.  But I was sawin’ some z’s.  Totally wiped out and sleeping so hard, I was nearly comatose. 

Until something on my face, around my nose and mouth awoke me. 

It felt cold and kinda wet.  And I could smell it.  And taste it.  

In one sweeping motion, I violently brushed off my face and jumped out of bed.  Wiping my face and saying, “Oh my gosh!  What was that!?!”  My sweetheart popped up and said, “What’s wrong?” to which I told him what I just told you about something on my face. 

I walked in to the restroom to look at my face and saw nothing but stone-cold sleep on my face– puffy, red eyes and the imprint of the pillow on my face. 

“Do you think you could have been dreaming??” he asked me.

“I do NOT think so… because I still can taste that awful… whatever it was..!  Close your eyes– I’m turning on the lights to look.” 

I turned on the lights.  Tore back the covers. 

Brace yourselves. 

Here it comes. 

Have another drink. 

Take a deep breath, and click here. 

And then I had 37 flavors of a panic attack and didn’t want to turn out the lights or lie down or close my eyes… or even live in my house much less the south where these heinous things dwell. 

Mr. Grits thought I was going to need therapy and some happy pills to get to sleep ever again– that is, after he killed the foul thing, may it rest in hell.

I’m just not so sure sleep is worth smelling and tasting the euphemistically named Palmetto bugs


14 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Oh, ew.

I have an Ambien if you need it!

Comment by Lora Lynn

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Tell me you brushed your teeth after that creature contaminated your mouth.

Comment by caroline

Bbbbbbulghhhhhhhhhhhhhhgr GAG!! UGH!! Excuse me, I am going to THROW UP!!! How many times did you brush your teeth???? How did you EVER calm down??? Ugh. I am so sorry. I am totally calling the bug man on Monday, that is just so very horrible.

Although something like that happening here may have put me into labor…


I am praying for your grandaddy and your family…

Comment by Meg

I am about to PEE my pants for about 60 reasons here, Kim Grits. But I will give you the top 3:

1. The comments above mine. Especially Meg’s…ROFLOL!

2. I heart shock value and you totally know that.

3. Your moxy for putting this up here on the old www.

Moxy + Shock value = 3,432 different kinds of awesome to me. High five, K.G. You totally earned it.

Comment by Gayle W

I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing that. You’ve ruined my happy little fantasyland wherein I believe that roaches can’t climb onto beds.


Comment by Leslie

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! I’m totally going to have nightmares tonight!!!!
The first time I saw one of those nasty things after moving to the south, I screamed, cried my eyes out, and told my sweet husband of 2 weeks that I absolutely could not live in a place that had bugs like that. And, here we are, 10 years later, still living in the south. Somehow I’ve survived.
I don’t want to go to sleep tonight…

Comment by penny

Oh yuck! And bless your heart!

Comment by bee

Sugie told us in Sunday school about your unfortunate experience so the shock value of the photo wasn’t what it would have been otherwise! YUCK!!! I think bugs are scared to come in our house–it is too messy for them. HA!

Comment by Amanda

Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww! I must admit I did not expect THAT! Did you wash your sheets and clorox everything and brush your teeth with lysol and do a shiver after all that? I’m not sure I could ever lie back down on the same bed again!

Comment by distybug

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Seriously gross, Kim! I don’t think I’M going to be able to sleep tonight. How much cough syrup did you need to go back to sleep?

Comment by kellie

I’m just gonna say “EWWWWW”. I bet Mr. Grits was laughing hysterically!

Comment by amanda

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Someone I know taught me how to laugh at others’ pain and trauma – heehee) No, but really, just on my own – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and ew. and bless your heart. and all those other nice sympathetic things. HAHA! Have two kids in school now and time to comment, much to your dismay! 😉

Comment by Kelly

This trumps ALL OTHER BLOG POSTS I’VE EVER SEEN ABOUT GROSS STUFF!!! It’s bad enough that bug was in your bed, but in your mouth as well??!! I officially have the heebie-jeebies right now. I am itching all over. The feet of those things, the legs, YUCK!!!!

I shall think of this post as I settle into bed tonight and hope the big, bad hairy spiders don’t descend on my face. You have Palmetto Bugs, we’ve got horribly yucky spiders! Of the 2, I’ll take spiders. I think.

Comment by Marmee

No no no no no no no no no no no no no and no.
O. My. Gosh.
I am praying for you AND your grandfather.

Comment by Robyn

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