Reformed Grits

It’s blogworthy to me
August 20, 2008, 10:10 am
Filed under: Food and Drink, Life, What's she up to now?

Thanks for coming back to check on me in my prolonged absence.  I'm not "back" but I've been thinking of you.  It's hard to go back to regular blogging when you stop cold turkey but I've needed the break.  But I just can't get enough of you, my friends, so I thought of something I should share:

First, I'm struggling to do dinner right now.  I don't wanna cook.  It's hot and I am really not in to eating things that are good for me because they don't taste good and are expensive.  So we've eaten chicken and minute rice 15 ways, had tacos and/or spagetti every other night and I'm tired of it.  So when I ran in to Publix the other night to pick up something I needed, they had a little cook-person handing out samples of one of their "Apron Meals." 
"Would you care for a sample of our 'Beenie Weenie Pizza'?" 
And then I threw up a little in my mouth and willed out, "Uh, no thanks."  The two kids with me obliged the lady and then I realized… I was STARVING.  I wasn't even sure when I had eaten last so I said, "I changed my mind… I'll try it." 
And with that, I scarfed it down, trying to not taste it…
But it actually was really good.  So I went back and got the recipe card.
And that night I found myself thinking about it again. 
That's when I started plotting out when I'd get the ingredients to make it myself.  It was so strangely satisfying, like some weird comfort food.  I wanted it again.  I started craving Beenie Weenie Pizza.  But I had to wait until grocery day, because you know Dave Ramsey lives here and I had my money doled out already. 
Here I need to interject some important commercial information.  Did you know that Publix sells pizza DOUGH?  I'm talking the squishy stuff in a bag in the bakery.  It. Is. Delicious.  And this, from someone who grinds her own wheat to make her pizza dough normally.  It was more expensive than I'd like (2.59 a bag, for Pete's sake) but I had to try it. 
Back to the story.  Grocery day came, and could hardly wait until I got my goods to make the much-anticipated Beenie Weenie Pizza.  The kids were in a frenzy from hearing about it from me and the other children who had the privilege of sampling it. 
That night, would be Beenie Weenie Pizza night. 
After a few stops and starts with the crust (does anyone have a two sided grill?  I'm thinking that's like a Foreman grill which they do NOT make in a size big enough for the Grits family and if they do I don't care to try to store one in my kitchen…) we were underway.   Reading the recipe, I did a double-take as I realized that the recipe was for four.  I had already planned to double it, but as I was reading the recipe I realized that their recipe for "four" would feed only Mr. Grits.  Seriously, people, tearing the original pizza dough ball in half and making it into an 8×10 oval?  Is that about the size of two normal pieces of pizza, or is it just me?  That is supposed to be the main course for 4?  That's just enough food to tick us off.  So I'm scrambling, folks, finding more beenies and more weenies and then I realized the kids hadn't liked the onions so what should I do to compensate for that, and the dough.  Oh the dough.  For real, it's delicious.  But it's made of silly putty.  No, no.  Silly putty actually stays flat if you make it flat.  This was some sort of flubber.    Consider trying to make a pizza crust out of something that did not want to be made in to pizza crust.  It had a will of its own.  And it was some seriously strong-willed pizza crust. 
It was at this point that the reality– and insanity– of what I was doing hit me.  I was making Beenie Weenie Pizza.  Which upon hearing the name of it had originally make me do a baby barf.  I was now attempting to stretch out some half-dried gluey dough into a semblance of… dinner for my family?  Stop the insanity! 
At this point, Sister began to hover around and I had to confess that I had failed her… not only as a person who was supposed to feed her and nurture her, but to protect her from the evils of the world– like Beenie Weenie Pizza. 
An hour and a half later, we sat down to this "easy and delicious recipe that may take as little as 15 minutes to prepare" and I probably should have set the table with spoons and bowls.  Yes, I followed the recipe but it was a MESS.  Most of the kids loved it.  Bee pushed it away and said, "I no wannit."   Mr. Grits tolerated it, and actually may have liked it.  I couldn't bring myself to ask and he never complains when I go to the trouble to cook a meal for him.  No one had enough to eat, however, so I whipped out some chips and dip, and veggies to dip as well because like I mentioned– I'm all about health food right now. 
My friends, I have hit my all time low in life.  Considering that it was a good idea.  Spending hard-won money on it.  And serving it to my beloved family. 
We all may need to seek professional help after this.  Pray for us, my friends.  Pray for us. 


8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Thank goodness!! A BLOG!!! yaaaay!

Comment by katester

o my goodness! i am laughing so hard that i think i might do a little baby barf. that was a terrific story. thanks so much for sharing. seriously, the funniest thing i’ve heard in a really long time.

btw… we get the “I no wannit” it all the time. it’s so cute, especially when she adds “i no wannit, right now.”

Comment by sarah

That’s hilarious. I never would have believed there was a Beenie Weenie Pizza!!!

KN told me to check out your blog. I love it!

BTW, sorry about the change in my schedule. I would have loved being your little one’s teacher. But I met her new teacher today and I think you will be very happy with her!

Comment by April

First of all, I’ve missed reading your blog!!!! Secondly, this is too funny! Seriously, beanie weenie pizza??? What’s next, spaghetti-oh’s pizza? Man, I’m am so glad you took the time to blog and share with us. I’ll be sure to pass up the beanie weenie pizza recipe card at our local Publix!

Comment by penny

Can I just confess?? NEVER had Beanie Weanies. Seriously that is just GROSS!!!
B had it right–I knew that girl was smart.
Too Funny—you leave us wanting more from the Grits house!

Comment by kent

No, don’t go!! We miss our regular serving of Grits around here. You must continue to write!

Comment by distybug

Oh, thank heavens, a blog!! oh, I have missed you. I NEED you, my friend, to keep me laughing. So buck up and keep ’em coming. No pressure, really, just know that your fan club is out here missing you… don’t even think about going back into hiding!!

Comment by Meg

It seems like everytime I envision making a picture-perfect meal and serving it to my family…it never, ever comes out like I imagined! This story was too funny and I am totally there with you, but had so many laughs over the fact that all this effort and anticipation going into a recipe with the words beenie-weenie in it! HA! Thanks for sharing…isn’t it lovely how our kids don’t know how to sugar-coat their opinions? “I no wannit” too cute!!!

Comment by Heidi

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